Can We Start Marketing to Women Honestly?

I recently came across an ad for a pair of shapewear tights that were padded on the back, to make women’s backsides look bigger, rounder and more desirable, of course. The copy read - ‘Your body, but better’. This was followed by testimonials of many women calling it a miracle product. I started seething gently. What kind of product was this? The grand farce of it all left me feeling confused. I could not understand what this ‘miracle’ product stood to achieve. If the purpose to look attractive or desirable was to actually attract a partner one is sexually interested in, the tights would eventually come off and leave one with…reality. If I were to imagine a man wearing a pair of very tight tights to reveal a belly underneath in privacy, I might feel cheated and dismayed. But it seems to be a completely acceptable thing for women to do. And if the purpose was to just seem attractive and in better shape for…everybody, then sorry, but why are we doing this at all? Immediately, my mind traced all the pruning and preening women do - the clothes, the makeup, the hair styling, the painful shoes, the waxing, threading - the list is endless. Who were we doing it all for?

As with most observations of the female population today, one must first observe the journey womankind has taken. This includes years of conditioning and developing, owning or rejecting different narratives, but constantly battling against something, a need to defy every stereotype we are boxed into. I will not get into the specificities as it is a history we are all aware of (or I hope we are). Women’s lives have traditionally centered around men. While the men went to work, the women looked pretty and kept the home running. And then women went to work too, maybe even gave up the house work in some parts of the world, but for some reason, the need to look pretty has not waned as much. For some reason, we are still the objects in ‘objects of desire’. And while capitalism simply provided us with the tools for it, modern day consumerism has tricked us into believing that we’re doing it for ourselves.

I’m a marketeer with extensive experience with female-centric consumer brands, and have witnessed first-hand how the industry has made it a norm to prey on women’s insecurities. Most female-centric brands today are marketing ‘empowerment’ under the guise of the age-old tradition to look good. These brands have done it so well that we now equate looking good with feeling good. Almost any female-centric brand today has an almost moral obligation to make women feel good about themselves. This comes under themes like ‘Do it for yourself’, ‘Feel more confident’, ‘Become a better you’ etc. etc. So what is so wrong with this? The fact that consumer brands hold us captive in a cycle of buying the same products, preying on the same insecurities, with the (in my opinion) much more dangerous narrative of doing it for ourselves. Let me give you an example.

A particular brand of razors in the US achieved cult status because it dared to show body hair in its ads and creatives. Embrace the body hair, they said. I’ll wait for the irony to hit you. They sell razors to women while telling them body hair is natural and acceptable. Soon, most ‘female’ razor companies started adopting the message. The company I worked at did too. All this while, I felt aghast over how we were fooling the very audience we claimed to empower. Let me make this even more clear. We also had a men’s personal care line. The way we marketed to men was functional, use-case based. Body odour? Buy our deodorant. Simple. Now imagine telling a man that body odour is natural and there is nothing to be ashamed of. And then try selling him a deodorant through the same ad. I cannot imagine many men falling for this.

What could the razor brand have done instead? Told women body hair is shameful and that they must use razors? Surely, their messaging is better than this problematic narrative? They have, after all, taken a step to normalize body hair when no other brand even dared to show images of it. To that, my stance is - use the current narrative. Tell women body hair is natural, but take an actual step in the direction of behaviour change. A ‘No-Shave November’, perhaps?

I come from a country where women have not traditionally used a lot of makeup. But I have seen this change in a matter of years. In Western countries especially, I feel almost plain and unpresentable without any makeup on. Again, who are we doing this for? This is most certainly not just for men. I’ve heard narratives like ‘I feel more confident/better with makeup on.’ Of course we do. The culture we have created almost demands we look a certain way. If I were to step in to a room full of women today, chances are that I would feel quite insecure about the pores on my skin or my frizzy hair, when most women look slicked and polished. This is not a criticism of these women. I fully understand the insecurities that come with years of conditioning, especially how women have been in competition with other women for male attention.

So how should we be marketing these things? Should we simply go back to asking women to put on makeup for men? I have a controversial opinion, but bear with me, for it is nuanced. I have a lot of respect for the mating ritual. Human beings, regardless of their gender, participate in it. The idea that the job of seduction through aesthetics has fallen on women alone is, in my opinion, very problematic (read this ever-important piece I wrote on the male gaze). However, in a more egalitarian world, a world which I hope we are progressing towards, people of all genders would participate in the game equally and honestly. I see nothing wrong with deodorant ads for men claiming that using their product might attract women to them. The exaggeration is of course, a marketing tool, and a good one at times. But I also believe that it is honest marketing. We all want to smell nice in intimate moments - it need not be the only reason we want to, but is a very potent one. I might forgive myself for not wearing perfume on a regular day, but it would pain me if I forgot to on a day I get intimate with someone. Consider the same marketing angle towards women. Could any perfume brand today signal that a woman might be more attractive to a man because of the perfume? The narrative evokes feelings of anger and incredulity because we must believe that we would only do it for ourselves. And rightly so because we’ve been objectified for far too long. But honest marketing can also be done tactfully. Indeed, it must be done tactfully.

First, let me clarify that I am not innocent in this case. Of course I wear clothes that look better on my body type, I wear some makeup when I step out, I definitely am part of the consumerist culture in many ways. But in recent years, I have become much more aware of the purpose of these acts. I find the philosophy of French women especially helpful in this case (I have no real idea if modern French women live by this philosophy, but fortunately, that is irrelevant). Apparently, French women don’t conceal their imperfections, they highlight their most attractive features. I think this a great philosophy for brands to adopt. If marketing to women could look honest and openly talk about why we do all that we do, we have a hope to change our behaviour. If it comes wrapped in scented candles and filters, then in some years we might find that the changing narrative has not eradicated the problem. I have no qualms wearing jeans that hug my waist or swiping on eyeliner that defines my eyes, but it will now take a lot for a brand to convince me to hide my pores or conceal my flaws. I am also (quite controversially) okay with being marketed things for the game of attracting the opposite sex, if done with tact.

Perhaps that is the problem - the lack of truly understanding women and their needs. This Forbes article says - ‘If the consumer economy had a sex, it would be female.  Women drive 70-80% of all consumer purchasing.’ And yet, this HBR article points out that despite this, women feel vastly underserved. Are brands really listening to women and their needs? Or are they using clever tactics to create products and campaigns that target immediate revenue? One of the most successful ad campaigns my team ever ran was that for a stretch mark oil. The click through rates were through the roof. While the paid media team congratulated us for the creative itself, I pointed out that it was quite possibly the fact that we had shown stretch marks vividly that drew women to click on the ad. Brands can easily bait a female audience using insecurities that run deep. What is the solution to this? I have many, but quite simply, the answer is more listening and acting rather than pushing products. Maybe brands are too focused on numbers and paid media wizards without appointing people (especially women) who understand the female psychology and are committed to truly empowering women. The Forbes article further states astonishing truths like ‘gender is the most powerful determinant of how we see the world, even more significant than age, income, ethnicity or geography’ and ‘women are female first and consumers second.’ And yet, all my recent interviewers have asked me questions about my experience in a geography and industry. Not one has asked me for proof of how well I understand women.

There is a clear need for intelligent, committed and purpose-driven marketeers to change this narrative. What astonishes me is how little of this is acknowledged or discussed. I recently brought up these thoughts at some social gatherings and was either met by stunned silence or defences from women, due to no fault of their own. We’re caught up in a marketing wave of ‘empowerment’ without actual behavioural change. I refuse to believe that the makeup we put on to ‘feel’ better is for ourselves. I have never put on makeup while sitting alone, working from home. If no one were to see me for days, I would probably not be threading my eyebrows. In fact, most of us saw proof of this during the pandemic. I know I did. I am happy to acknowledge that I do this out of a combination of my own insecurities and societal pressure. I believe that I have no hope of changing unless I at least acknowledge and challenge it. Hopefully soon, brands will see it the same way and start marketing to women as intelligent creatures and not just customers that can help them meet their targets.