Embracing The Anti-Climactic
I recently watched two really great films that had very different storylines but shared a lot in common - a singular premise, great storytelling, the ability to captivate but also a very anticlimactic ending. And that just made me uncomfortable. To sit through 120 minutes spellbound, only to have it taper into the mundane or a ‘not enough’ - it just didn’t feel fair. So I braved out a very senseless rom-com and got the happy ending. It wasn’t a movie I enjoyed at all, but at least there was a sense of completeness when it ended. I could immediately get off the sofa instead of lingering on for a few minutes wondering ‘what happened?’ This led me to question what I value more - an enjoyable journey where I was immersed and attentive throughout and then a fading ending, or two hours of something I was fidgety and distracted between but with a grand climax. I mean, there is a reason the Dark Knight movies and Top Gun have a special place in my heart. It is because they manage to combine the best of both worlds, keeping me on the edge of my seat while delivering a swooping climax. But life is seldom such, and I routinely find that my everyday teaches me some poignant lessons about how I approach life in general. An especially well-timed lesson as the new year approaches and brings with it a frenzy of ‘new beginnings’ and raging new year’s eve parties (a big ending to an imaginary time period while life simply goes on).
What is it about this crescendo that makes us feel alive? Is it the rush of adrenaline that we seek as proof of being touched by something? Or are we existing in a slumber so deep that we must rely upon a spiking graph of emotions to remind ourselves that we still feel things?
When discussing a climax, the expression ‘anti-climactic’ is even more interesting to me. It assumes the expectation of a climax, and the disappointment that follows when life does not give us one. We not only love a climax, we’re often disappointed when we don’t get one.
This is a well-documented phenomenon. We set goals and are driven to achieve them, but upon reaching those goals, we rarely feel as elated as we imagined we might. Most people describe it as ‘anti-climactic’. Some wonder if they ever really cared about the goal at all because they still feel, surprisingly, the same. Some immediately turn to setting new goals - the pursuit inciting hope that the next goal will change something and make them feel better about themselves. Some wonder why nothing really changes in their lives even after achieving a goal they gave so much into achieving. Only the really fortunate manage to bask in their success for a bit and treat it as…normal - just a well-earned ‘up’ in a life full of ups and downs. The rest suffer from a build up so intense that reality does not live up to it, and the result is just ‘anti-climactic’.
A part of the reason could also be that we place so much importance on the end goal itself and so very little on our journeys. Life is ever-evolving and so our we. It is every step we take towards those goals that lead up to the goal being achieved. The celebration then should be a pat on the back for every step on the way and every progress made, not just for the final big win.
The opposite end of this spectrum is equally true. While taking risks, approaching conflicts or doing something difficult, it is the fear of the result that handicaps us. The ‘climax’ in this case is a dramatic, negative outcome that we build up in our heads. The result once again, is rarely how we imagine. In this case, being comfortable with the ‘anti-climactic’ can actually reassure us.
We work more or less the same way when it comes to relationships. The chase is where all the thrill is, because we imagine what it’s going to look like later. We go from the dates, the flirting, the hyper awareness to something still and mundane and ‘anti-climactic’. Reality never meets our expectations because let’s face it, the person opposite us is not a figment of our imagination. They’re a real person with their own preferences, quirks and habits. And if we’ve been too caught up in our imagined togetherness, we may have overlooked who they really are. The relationship doesn’t lose its lustre, the rose coloured glasses just come off. Mark Manson has some of the best advice I’ve read in this regard - reality, vulnerability and honesty are virtues. Games and dreams are not.
What I increasingly realize (and what countless philosophers and scientists have probably said in different ways) is that we’re not a big deal, but life is. Why human beings have chosen to break up life into time-periods, goals and landmarks is sometimes beyond me. I am not against plans and goals, but I think they must run in parallel with life itself. We cannot singularly devote ourselves to a goal or a pursuit and leave living fully until after we achieve those goals. That is the build up we create. That is the expectation that is our doom - that life will change once we achieve something. But life is anti-climactic, it exists (and we are lucky for it) and we just live through it. Even through our fervent pursuits, life is still progressing, never waiting.
I am not easily proud of myself, and I find myself equally craving the ‘happy ending’ or a dramatic life from time to time. But one thing I am always grateful for is that I truly enjoy the everyday. I am overjoyed when I see sunlight over meadows, or dew drops crystallising on spiderwebs. I truly enjoy a cup of a hot beverage in my hand, I smell things, I play music to suit or alter my mood, I take care of my body and mind, I feel good inside when a child smiles at me and I hold on to that feeling, art moves me and good writing inspires me. I would not say I am always happy, but I find joy in little things. And joy is such a great thing. It is fleeting, requires one to be in the moment and it fills one up. Happiness is a state - elusive and ephemeral. I’d much rather feel joy on an everyday basis than wait for a happy climax.
Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, Ryan Holiday’s Daily Stoic and Mark Manson’s website are good ways to gain perspective in this regard and simplify our lives a tad bit.