Be Curious, Be Kind
Our world today has become increasingly angry and resentful. We are angry about wars and disagreements, emissions and the weather, racism and wokeness, our Governments and our bosses. Our anger is not wrong. We now expect law, order and justice in the world unlike our ancestors who saw famines, wars, tyranny and chaos. Anger can be a powerful tool when used correctly. It can however, also exacerbate problems and lead to infinite cycles of anger in the world. As Alain de Botton wisely said - ‘Hurt people hurt people’.
As human beings, our tendency is to judge a person’s behaviour and attribute it to their bad character. We are seldom inclined to probe into the inner workings of a person’s mind and display any curiosity or kindness for their behaviour. If we did manage to exhibit these traits, there would be far less anger or resentment in the world.
Androcles and the Lion is a fabulous children’s tale on how kindness can build bridges instead of walls.
I remember a time when I was extremely upset with my brother for not coming to an event I had planned months in advance. After months of me looking forward to it, all I received was a text a couple of days before the event saying he couldn’t make it. Like a petulant child, I texted him something really rude and refused to take his calls. He finally texted me explaining why he couldn’t make it - his best friend had met with an accident. The guilt immediately took over and I cried for hours in remorse over my impulsive behaviour. If only I’d had some patience and asked him why. I am grateful that this memory is etched into my conscience because I am now always wary of jumping to conclusions.
Jumping to conclusions can become even more dangerous in a societal context. We may all be aware of how virtue signalling can libel people. When someone is called transphobic, racist, a gossip or just plain rude, our natural inclination is to go with that narrative. I recently spoke to a group of people that had deemed J.K.Rowling transphobic. When I asked them why they thought so, they said they vaguely remembered reading about the Harry Potter cast accusing the famed writer of being so. Not one amongst those five people had been curious enough to dig into the case and form their own opinion. The noise of dissent is often so high that one’s defences drown in it, and the accused becomes just a manifestation of the accusation.
Closer home, a friend recently asked me if I thought supporters of a certain right-wing party were just plain evil because they directly or indirectly supported social injustice. And my answer was no. I might find their views absurd and to be frank, unjustifiable, but I know nothing about how their minds have been conditioned. Libelling them as evil, in my opinion, is just polarizing an already polarized world.
While curiosity and kindness can help us in our daily interactions with people, they go far beyond and can be equally important in understanding the world. The sad state of our world is that it is run by politicians and businesspeople who care little beyond their selfish motives. But as observers, we have some power too. In a war-ravaged and media-driven world, we can choose to exercise compassion and curiosity. When people choose sides or countries during a war, I am sometimes disturbed at the hatred spewing from everyone. This is not to say that these wars do not affect me, or that I am immune to the sufferings of millions of people around the globe today. But what pains my heart more is that inadvertently, we have become part of a hate culture that will lead to only more animosity tomorrow. Just like the lion in the fable who only roared so loudly because it had a thorn stuck in its paw, countries in war also have underlying insecurities that are rarely addressed. Most war-torn areas in the world today have had bloody histories. But after a point, history ceases to matter because the severity of unjust acts is so great that neither party remains purely right or wrong. While I cannot claim to know how to end all this bloodshed, I do know that how we respond can alter the future course of this world. It is easy to deem acts as right or wrong, especially acts as heinous as the ones being committed in the now. But it takes a curious mind to understand the nuances of a situation and the psyche of a nation and its people. And unless there is nuanced understanding, we will only impose solutions that fail to address the real problems.
I witnessed how important a nuanced perspective can be in 2019 during the Pulwama attack in Kashmir. A convoy of the Indian Military was attacked by a vehicle-borne suicide bomber in Pulwama. At least 40 people on the bus died along with the suicide bomber who was a local Kashmiri youth. While India and Pakistan went back and forth over the responsibility of the attack, what struck me as odd was a relatively small thing. WhatsApp had become a source of unchecked, unfiltered information and a clipping from a Pakistani newspaper was doing the rounds. The headlines read - ‘Freedom fighter launches attack, 44 killed’. The public was livid. Indians had lost 44 military personnel and Pakistan had the gall to call the suicide bomber a freedom fighter. The attack and the killings had impacted me as well. But when people spread these headlines over WhatsApp, I couldn’t help but ask them what the purpose was. Was it to fuel rage between nations that had already been split apart by a divide and rule policy? Was it to create a rift so wide that those who had once lived on either side of the border no longer be able to catch a glimpse of home? Surely people could understand that both sides were fed different narratives? That their Governments and media reported wildly different things and that a freedom fighter on one side was a lowly terrorist on the other? Was it not our responsibility to understand the nuance concealed cleverly between those headlines? That our truths could look entirely different depending on which side of the border we were tossed towards?
Every year, there is more and more news that makes me angry. But my anger never seems to match up to the anger of those around me. I find myself trying to see both perspectives. I am sure that I do not know enough about most matters for I am no expert. But I would love a discussion with someone who could explain the facts of the matter to me and at the same time be open to my doubts. I’d love to witness begrudging acceptance or a thoughtful silence. I’d love to be able to segregate acts from character, debate viable solutions and get shot down. But above all, I’d like to witness and live with kindness and curiosity. As Jimi Hendrix famously said -
‘When the power of love overcomes the love for power, the world will know peace.’
Another example of how curiosity could’ve benefitted us is when The Dalai Lama was accused of borderline child abuse. The difference in perspectives is clear in this BBC article and this Vice article.